The Art and Science of Changing Habits

So you have worked with a professional organizer, or by yourself. You have made numerous trips to Storables, the dump and goodwill. Your room has been beautifully organized, you can find everything, and everything has a home. Now what? A month later, you are having a dinner to celebrate. You get involved planning the menu, cooking the meal, cleaning the house, and sending out invitations. All of a sudden, your desk is piled with recipe printouts, the kitchen is cluttered with food, there are dishes everywhere, and the house is a disaster. You also forgot to send a reminder out with directions to the guests! What happened?! You did the right thing by getting organized, you followed the book or you PO’s advice… why are you back at square one? You forgot the most important thing: changing old habits. You designed a new system, but you didn’t prepare yourself for the lifestyle change.
Yes, old habits die hard. You will struggle for a while to get in the rhythm. I find that you have to maintain your new habit for at least a month before you start to get the feel of it. This is not an easy process. It is like going on a regimented diet or quitting smoking. During that first month, do your best to avoid stresses to your system. Don’t do major shopping—you’ll despair trying to find places to put the new things. Don’t plan a major event at your house—you’ll wind up with everything stuffed into closets before the guests arrive. After the first month, you can start easing completely back into your usual routine, one step at a time, making sure not to backslide. So how where do people usually get into trouble?
The Three Steps to a Failed System
Step one: Stress causes a mistake. They’re exhausted at work, or a pile of papers arrived, or some other incident causes their system to have a temporary hiccough.
Step two: Shame over what happened. Two days later, they realize that the system isn’t being followed, and they feel bad about it. They want to get the bad feeling out of the way. For some strange reason, solving the problem would be like admitting failure, so instead the problem gets hidden, procrastinated, delayed, or otherwise set aside.
Step three: The problem cascades. With all the boxes shoved in the closet, the coats don’t fit, so those get set on the chair backs. The papers are in a big ever-growing pile, so the finances get behind. One thing leads to another, and the system has collapsed completely.
So how do you avoid this? Well, step one happens to everyone sooner or later, and step three is inevitable. They key is fixing step two. When you spot a failure in your system, don’t feel bad about it—fix it. But of course, this is easier said than done. That is why hiring a PO or asking a friend for support is crucial. You can tell this person about your frustrations and vent to them, and then they can help encourage you to fix the problems before you get to step three. You’ll work harder knowing someone is watching over you, and when you get stuck, you’ll have someone to turn to for advice and comfort.
To help building your new habits, find your strength and learn your best times for every task. For example, when I cook, I get all of the items out ready to go including the measuring utensils, the pots and pans, and the ingredients. As I cook I clean up. That way I have fewer dishes when I am done cooking and there are no crusty pans soaking in the sink. When I met my husband, I saw that he did the opposite. He is a spontaneous chef who can’t be interrupted to clean up. He prefers to wash all of the dishes after people have enjoyed the food and he has enjoyed their company. He’s a night owl, so he uses that time to wind down in the evening. The important part is we both put the kitchen back together again. It doesn’t matter how you do it, just that you do it.
Sticking to your new regimen is an everyday process. If you skip it once, the tendency will be that you will do it again. It is also important to forgive yourself and that realize you are going to have set backs – you’ll never avoid Step 1. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Just be sure to do it the very next day, no exceptions. Be sure to finish that pile of files or that sink full of dishes the very next day. Remember the feeling of procrastination. As a result of putting off the sink full of dishes, they take longer to scrub. The pile of papers you didn’t file yesterday is twice as high the next day. Learn from your mistakes and rectify them. Finally, let me recommend Cindy Glovinsky’s excellent book, Making Peace with the Things in Your Life. In the book, she discusses the danger of making the “the plan to end all plans”—that is, feeling like your organizing session is the destination and not the road map. She states the Plan to end all Plans “…will only make you feel as though you’re in a military boot camp...Planning is not supposed to be a onetime marathon but an ongoing process that you do every day”.
Good luck, and never hesitate to contact Personworks if you need a helping hand!