Estate Management

Losing someone you love is incredibly difficult; having to go through that person’s belongings can be one of the hardest things of all. Perhaps surprisingly, it can also be a wonderful experience – it all depends on how you approach the task at hand. I know a great lady that lost her mom – a woman who was a very flashy dresser – so she and her sister decided to sort her closet by trying on each item as a way of celebrating her life. They decided to keep a few items and the rest went to a charitable organization. While the experience was definitely bittersweet, it was much less painful then it could have been. Below is a list of organizing steps to help you through this process.

Determine what is being kept and what is going to family members. Then pick items designated for donation or to be put on Craig’s list. This is the hardest step, not only having to go through your loved ones’ items after they are gone, but also not knowing what to do with all of their treasured belongings; it really can bring all the grief home. Be sure that you have someone with you when you are going through this process.

Mark all items that are going to family. If possible, pack them up and send them to the family members with a quick personal note. For photos, I suggest the following: scan the individual photographs, and send them out to all family members. Give the originals to the eldest member of the surviving family. If there were photos given as gifts, ask the gift givers if they would like the photos back, if not they can be given to someone else in the family, or as a last resort, thrown away. Pack up what is being kept. Be sure to make an inventory of the boxes so that you can keep track of items; this way, when you are ready to unpack them you won’t have to go through the initial painful process. It will, instead, be like opening memories of that loved one – still sad, but hopefully less so. Have someone else take away the donations and other items. I have worked with many people who have lost loved ones, and taking those special items to a charitable organization was often terribly painful. Instead, have these boxes picked up or ask a friend to deliver them for you. If you aren’t ready to let go of the items right away, pack the items and mark the boxes carefully. Tread lightly here; you don’t want to end up with a household full of boxes that you are never able to get rid of and these boxes of cherished items can accumulate over time.

List items to donate or sell on Craigslist and people can come and pick them up directly. This is particularly helpful when there is furniture that needs to go. (If it isn’t expensive furniture, list it for free, it will go within the day.)
There are also situations that are too confusing, painful, or just plain overwhelming. If that is the case, having someone outside the circle of loved ones, like a professional, might bring a much needed sense of objectivity and relief.